Last year, my New Year’s resolution was to be nice to Xtian for the whole year. Well that lasted I think an hour…maybe less…for no real reason really, maybe because I just cannot help myself. After a discussion this weekend about my blog, I decided to take a look back and read all my entries and it seems that even online I manage to be a total shit to the love of my life. Le sigh, le sigh.
Truth be told, despite the fact that he travels constantly and works even more (I work like a crazy person too so this is a bit of an unfair statement) Xtian treats me like a doll. He spoils me rotten, goes out of his way to give me everything I want even if it means he doesn’t and when I talk to any of his friends, work colleagues, et cetera they all tell me that he spends all of his time talking about how wonderful I am. So how do I act? Like a total jerk. I feel a little like one of those rotten children who kick their dotting parents in the shins as the parents proceed to tell you how adorable their child is.
So with all of this I will revisit my new year’s resolutions and modify them to state that one of the main focuses this year will be to be nice to Xtian. I am officially starting today and I think I have done pretty well so far. Because he does deserve an equally doting girlfriend...one that does not kick him in the shins as I have been known to do...oops.
Showing posts with label the problem with love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the problem with love. Show all posts
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
A Taste of Married Life
When Xtian and I were engaged we agreed that we would move up to the city and live a fabulous city life. So given that his worked moved to the city we he thought it would be the appropriate time to start to look for a great place to live where we could be young and fabulous. So off we went and found this fabulously fantastic loft in the city that we could call home once we are married and he moved in and I stayed in the fabulous San Jose because I actually like living at home and hanging out with my family.
So given that I had to work in SF all week long on behalf of a client of mine and what better way to test the waters then to stay at the loft with my amour for a week to see how things go. Well, as I predicted life is exactly as I imagined…I am alone…constantly alone. Xtian travels…all the time…and although last week I was promised a full week without travel things, as always, changed and he is gone. Granted he was here 2 nights out of the 4 but still I went to bed alone because he worked all night long as I tossed and turned alone in this big bed that was meant for two.
Going to bed alone, coming home to an empty loft, eating dinner out of a box alone…is this really what I signed up for? I mean take away the bands and add a cat and isn’t this what being single in my 30’s would be about if say I were not getting married?
It must be nice to come home to someone, to have someone around to talk to and to laugh with and eat dinner with and perhaps this is why Xtian really wants me to move in. But as this “married test week” goes, I have spent more time alone than I have ever cared for and I feel terribly lonely and needy and I don’t really like it.
I know I am probably being unfair because he is a very generous man who truly adores me beyond my wildest dreams, but seriously, isn’t there something wrong here? Am I missing something?
So given that I had to work in SF all week long on behalf of a client of mine and what better way to test the waters then to stay at the loft with my amour for a week to see how things go. Well, as I predicted life is exactly as I imagined…I am alone…constantly alone. Xtian travels…all the time…and although last week I was promised a full week without travel things, as always, changed and he is gone. Granted he was here 2 nights out of the 4 but still I went to bed alone because he worked all night long as I tossed and turned alone in this big bed that was meant for two.
Going to bed alone, coming home to an empty loft, eating dinner out of a box alone…is this really what I signed up for? I mean take away the bands and add a cat and isn’t this what being single in my 30’s would be about if say I were not getting married?
It must be nice to come home to someone, to have someone around to talk to and to laugh with and eat dinner with and perhaps this is why Xtian really wants me to move in. But as this “married test week” goes, I have spent more time alone than I have ever cared for and I feel terribly lonely and needy and I don’t really like it.
I know I am probably being unfair because he is a very generous man who truly adores me beyond my wildest dreams, but seriously, isn’t there something wrong here? Am I missing something?
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