Open Letter to Christian

Dear Christian,

According to many bad made-for-tv movies and wikipedia, one of the steps to recovery of any addiction is accepting you are an addict or as they put it so eloquently “admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion.” Today I have come to recognize that I am addicted to spending money on fancy shoes and you, my good sir, are a financial bad influence in my life.

You with your fancy salary and your even fancier shoes and your suggestions as to what would look SO FANTASTIC on me has pushed me over the edge into a downward spiral of money spending that can only end up with me in the proverbial gutter of some fancy department store purchasing the last patent leather Choos that are 2 sizes to big to me just because I have to have them.

Like a drug pusher, you gave me many a free “hit” to ensure my addiction from the onset and now I spend every free moment on shopping sites trying to get my latest fix. But no, no more! I refuse to end up a fashion statistic in this cold cruel world.

So after my shoe binge today I scoured the Internet to see if I could get some help and low and behold I found some steps on my path to recovery.

6 of the 12 steps because doing the full 12 is too much effort

1. admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion;
   I think I always knew I had a problem, which is why I made a new year’s resolution to myself not to spend more than $100 on anything including shoes. 23 days into the new year I spend way over an entire paycheck on 2 pairs of shoes. Shoes, mind you, you were supportive of me getting…pusher.
   
2. recognizing a greater power that can give strength;
   God, are you there? It’s me Gravy Train. According to the numerous religious paraphernalia that adorn my house, Jesus does not wear shoes on the cross so, as such, what would Jesus do? Well, not spend copious amounts of honeys on shoes that would still make his feet hurt I’ll tell you that much.
   
3. examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
   I must find a sponsor but, like most addicts, I surround myself with other addicts, enablers like you if you will, which is why it is so hard to get better. I want to get better, I do, but I feel helpless in this cold cruel world.
   
4. making amends for these errors;
   Dear bank account, sorry there are not more zeros behind the numbers that are thankfully still in black. I am also sorry to anyone else who I may have hurt in my crazed shoe obsession, and by hurt I mean accidentally stepped on because the shoes never hurt anyone (is this denial)?
   
5. learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
   This is probably the hardest part of all of this and to be honest I don’t know how I can cope. You must learn to support me as I become frumpy girl in the payless shoes…okay, wait, no. I take that back Don’t ever support me in that endevor.
   
6. helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.
   Babe, sorry but I have to tell you, you have a problem a shoe problem. We must get help together…I wonder if they have shoe rehab?
   

So there, there you have it, my wallet on my sleeve and I ask for your help during long drawn out recovery (at least until the spring lines come in).

Cheers and love,
Gravy Train