When Xtian and I were engaged we agreed that we would move up to the city and live a fabulous city life. So given that his worked moved to the city we he thought it would be the appropriate time to start to look for a great place to live where we could be young and fabulous. So off we went and found this fabulously fantastic loft in the city that we could call home once we are married and he moved in and I stayed in the fabulous San Jose because I actually like living at home and hanging out with my family.
So given that I had to work in SF all week long on behalf of a client of mine and what better way to test the waters then to stay at the loft with my amour for a week to see how things go. Well, as I predicted life is exactly as I imagined…I am alone…constantly alone. Xtian travels…all the time…and although last week I was promised a full week without travel things, as always, changed and he is gone. Granted he was here 2 nights out of the 4 but still I went to bed alone because he worked all night long as I tossed and turned alone in this big bed that was meant for two.
Going to bed alone, coming home to an empty loft, eating dinner out of a box alone…is this really what I signed up for? I mean take away the bands and add a cat and isn’t this what being single in my 30’s would be about if say I were not getting married?
It must be nice to come home to someone, to have someone around to talk to and to laugh with and eat dinner with and perhaps this is why Xtian really wants me to move in. But as this “married test week” goes, I have spent more time alone than I have ever cared for and I feel terribly lonely and needy and I don’t really like it.
I know I am probably being unfair because he is a very generous man who truly adores me beyond my wildest dreams, but seriously, isn’t there something wrong here? Am I missing something?
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2 comments:
Well, I don't know. It sort of is what comes along with the territory, right? We all make sacrifices in relationships, and this is yours. I'm sure he makes them too with you (although you are pretty perf, so who knows).
One thing I can tell you is that you will get used to being alone and will really love it eventch. Get two dogs and extended premium cable, haha. That should do the trick. Plus I will really be the third roomie.
Yes, this is true. I think, without noticing, I have become high maintenance...doh.
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